Saturday, February 13, 2016

What if You Killed a Bigfoot on Your Property...

Shoot a Bigfoot

This is a guest post by Jeff Cox.

To kill, or not to kill. Wow...what a debate. While some amongst us "believers" feel that we must have at least one sample body in order to officially get Bigfoot recognized as an honest to goodness actual animal on our planet, others feel that killing one on purpose for any reason would be the equivalent of murder. Many would even prefer to keep the question of its existence up in the air than have a dead body that would prove it once and for all. We will never know who is right or wrong on that subject, for on both sides there are, and would be, militant and very verbal protesters screaming that their way is the right way, even while standing over the body of a dead Squatch. 

The following essay, if you want to call it that, is NOT about the purposeful killing of a Sasquatch. It's simply saying "what if " a person is attacked by a Bigfoot and is forced to defend themselves or their loved ones from certain injury or death. 

The other day I was pondering something.... What would I do if a Squatch came at me and attacked me on my property and I was forced to make a kill with my .300 Blackout. Though killing one would not be my first choice, I may have no choice. So I made a list of things I'd do, and what I'd advise you to do if you find yourself in a similar situation.

1) DON'T CALL THE POLICE, or any public or governmental agency. That would be the quickest way to lose your prize. State, Fed, or military peeps would show up with machine guns and the party would be over. The body, and all your cameras and recording media would be confiscated and you will be threatened with death and disaster if you ever talk about the situation.

2) Secure the site. Get your kid, your wife, your neighbor, your brother...people with guns to the site asap. Restrict access to your property.

3) Properly take samples of skin, hair, blood, saliva, even scat and urine if you can. Freeze and hide these samples.

4) Get the body and pix. Crystal clear well lit up close video and pix. Use up every video card you'll never have too much video or photo evidence of a dead Bigfoot. Hide all video and photo evidence. Then call the local news stations, (Don't tell them why you are calling, just say you have a HUGE worldwide story they can be the first to document if they are so inclined) get them out there to capture professional video evidence. Call every news station. Block your property entrance with vehicles and armed men and ONLY let the news people in. 

5) Get a veterinarian to your property asap to examine the body and take more samples. Don't tell him the truth when you call. Tell him you have 3 horses all dying and it's an emergency. Get him on camera saying that this is indeed a real creature, an undocumented species of bipedal hominid.

6) Start emailing Animal Planet and the Nat Geo folks.

7) Dig a 3 foot deep hole, wide enough and long enough for the body. Put the body in it and pack a layer of bags of ice all over it. Park a truck over the hole and wait for Animal Planet/Nat Geo folks, as well as those listed below, to arrive.

8) Contact these people. Let them know you have a body and that they are welcome to come examine it to their heart's content..... Dr Jeff Meldrum, Dr John Bindernagel, Dr.Todd Disotell, Jimmy Chilcutt, Cliff Barackman, Bobo Faye, Matt Moneymaker. Then contact as many Bigfoot researchers as possible and get them access to the body. Many of them have dedicated their life to researching Bigfoot. They deserve to finally have their day. You will be their hero. 

Don't contact a university, most are at least partially funded by the government. However, I would gladly transport my Bigfoot body to a location where Dr Jeff Meldrum of Idaho State University could study it. I suspect that he would love to do a proper exam. Unless you have a well secured cold storage facility, you will eventually have to let someone take the body. But only allow a trusted private person/group to take it for REAL scientific analysis at a secret spot, and only after many many people have taken evidence samples and video and photos. If you do it just right, you can get people there and gone before the government shows up. Unless they have a warrant you can restrict anyone's access to your property. You may not get any sleep for a couple days, but it'll be worth it. You'll be famous.

You may ask...why would I have to go to all this trouble? Why can't I just call the police and let them handle it? Good question. The federal government, believe it or not, monitors all police dept communications. If a 911 caller says, hey, I killed a Bigfoot on my property (or a UFO crashed in my yard and little grey men are spread out on my lawn), within moments a federal government rep will contact that police dept and order them to NOT investigate the call, and to delete any reference to that 911 call immediately. It's also believed that either men in black or military peeps will show up and take over the site, confiscating everything, and threatening to ruin your world if you tell anyone else.  There is a guy in Texas who is a Bigfoot researcher. He didn't kiss the ass of some of these men in black, and well, they pretty much shut down his life. Shut off his Facebook, shut off his YouTube channel, closed his email accounts, shut off his internet service, banned him from blogs that were either his or ones he was a member of, and daily harass him and his wife any time they drive out of their driveway....essentially made him cease to exist outside of his home. The government has the ability to go into any website and simply...delete you. Scary eh? The dept of the interior is a deep and creepy entity.  

In the world of Bigfoot there is a widely held belief that the federal government and military are well aware of the creature's existence, but they do not want the existence of this new species of hominid to become widely known and officially scientifically and publicly verified. The government believes (it's strongly suspected) that if we verify its existence it would lead to very bad things for our nation and its economy. The logging industry, aka the housing industry, would be shut down, since Bigfoot would immediately be classified as an endangered species and it inhabits much of the logging industry's stomping grounds. Anonymous sources within the logging industry claim that the industry issues secret rules regarding what their employees are to do in the event they encounter one of the creatures. They want people to keep quiet. Period. I heard an interview with a guy who worked for a state forest conservation organisation in Washington state. He told his co-workers about seeing a Bigfoot several times in his life. His boss told him to shut up about it. But he didn't, so they not only fired him, they made it so no other state or federal forestry agency in the nation will hire him. This respectable man with college degrees and 20 yrs of forestry and wildlife expertise and 10 yrs as a teacher is basically now barely surviving by parking cars at a medical facility. That's how serious the government is about keeping Bigfoot a myth. 

The other reason the government would want to keep Bigfoot quiet, is because of the hundreds of millions of dollars in income the national parks bring in every year, not only to the actual parks, but also to the surrounding communities. Hundreds of people go missing without a trace in state and national parks every year in the USA. (Google or YouTube David Paulides and his Missing 411 books) Most are located, but some are either never found, or only bits and pieces of them are found or only some of their belongings are found. Some believe Bigfoot is the reason for these vanishing people. If Bigfoot is proven real, then families would be made aware of all these missing people and sightings etc, and tend to vacation elsewhere. Lastly, if Bigfoot is proven real, then eventually someone would leak that the government has known of them for decades. 

So that's why you don't want to call the police, or any other state, public, federal, or governmental agency if you happen to find yourself in the possession of a Bigfoot body. 
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  1. Good strategy, but I would be careful about emailing well known figures about your find. The emails are more likely to alert the government than a phone conversation. Also, I would use a prepaid cell phone that you buy with cash.

  2. It won't matter...the Government has multiple specimens in their inventory and logistics is the primary reason civilians will not collect a specimen. Its unlikely the creature will go down quickly and will have to be tracked, probably at night, through impenetrable vegetation and/or rugged, inaccessible terrain. They're not typical animals, they posses a high level of intellect that is unsurpassed in the wild. They have family and friends that will also defend the creature and facilitate extraction. Believe me...if and when that opportunity arises (and it has) no one will be prepared...

  3. I believe the TV show is a lot of hype, yet I could be wrong. I have some questions I'd like answered. How come no body of a dead bigfoot has never been found? The pictures they show on the TV shows, don'y really show what the animal looks like. Also these shows make big money. How long they will run without real evidence remains to be seen. I also think that maybe some nut wants to impersonate this creature he gets. What if he gets shot, because the person that killed him believed it to be the real thing. I heard of a woman that saw one from her car eating stuff in a dump. The stories go on and on. BUT lets face it, the government would not want this public like aliens and sea monsters. What if the government does know they exist and they are keeping it under wraps. So what we have here is a lot of scenarios and what ifs. Also if the government is closing these places down what are they really keeping secret? I believe in the possibility that these creatures exist, but I won't be convinced until they catch one.